Vennsday - The Things We Yell

Recently, I've been intaking a lot of internet, so I feel like I should output some internet as well.  This means that you guys get to look at some Venn Diagrams!  Right here!

Imagine that you're in a car with three other full-grown adults, and you drive by a pack of llamas.  Somebody is definitely going to yell "Llamas!!"  Or maybe you're at work, just minding your own business, doing some spreadsheeting, and all of a sudden your boss starts yelling "Raccoon!  Raccoon!"  You don't think this is weird, in fact, you're a little jealous that you didn't get to yell what type of animal it was at that animal.  We don't do this with other things; you're not sitting at your desk, minding your own business, yelling "Spreadsheet!  Spreadsheet!  Coffee!  Food crumbs that I should probably clean out of my keyboard!"  I assume we do this because as children we were rewarded with love and affection for correctly naming animals by our parents, and we still feel a little surge of affirmation when we do it now... and also, you know, llamas!!¹

Yelling is not condoned in Eugene.  If you yell, you're probably a stooge for the patriarchy and you're definitely oppressing somebody's vagina, so maybe you could just take a deep breath, remember this is a safe space, and start using some "I feel" statements in a calm, low voice.  Unless this is about the University of Oregon ducks.  In which case, why aren't you yelling??  Don't you even CARE about how awesome they are???!!??!  You could walk up to a group of strangers on the street, yell in their faces "GO DUCKS," and they would be super psyched about it, and zero vaginas would be oppressed.   

When I get excited, I talk louder and louder until I'm full-on yelling.  It's almost gotten me kicked out of town a few times.  And it's not about cool stuff, it's about storm drainage or maybe the sweet orange color of my calculator².  I would pity my lady friend for having to deal with this, but she does it, too.  I'm pretty sure we're known in local restaurants as the couple who yells about our dinner and the incredible job the CHEF HAS DONE WITH THE SEASONING.

¹The first thing I do when I get home every day is find my two cats and yell "CATS" at them.  Maybe I do this for the affirmation, or maybe I do it because I like reinforcing their identities for them, or maybe I just do it because I think it's inexplicably hilarious.
²Obviously these things are actually super cool.  I just didn't want to make you feel jealous about my incredible swale knowledge or that one time I chose an orange calculator instead of a black one.

Dinocorns Against SOPA - CENSORED VENNSDAY

Guys, something awesome happened today, and then something terrible.

I was searching under my desk for the fruits of my Magical Venn Unicorn's labor and discovered that it had gotten into the radioactive dinosaur fossils (I should probably find a better place for them).  I was worried about the health of my unicorn, but it turns out that the radiation and dinosaur DNA made it into a SUPER AWESOME CREATURE: the Dinocorn¹.

"Yay!" said I to myself, "I'll post this to my blog, and everyone will be happy!"

But, when I went to post, this happened:

Certain members of Congress want to keep you guys from seeing Dinocorns.  Don't let them win.

Let's agree that censorship is bad.  It's especially bad when it's post-its covering up a sweet drawing of a Dinocorn.

Find out of your local representatives are against SOPA - if they're not, contact them and tell them they should be.  Your internet enjoyment depends on it.

My Crappy Magical Venn Unicorn

I like to imagine that at some point someone has asked about my Venn Diagrams: where does she come up with this crap?!?!  Well, the Magical Venn Unicorn is a real thing.  I didn't make it up yesterday in a fit of delirium.

It lives under my desk, feasting on the scraps of my lunches and anything else it can scavenge in my office.

Yesterday, I managed to draw up a quick picture of the Magical Venn Unicorn in action.  It spews out random words and circles, and then those eventually coalesce on my screen.  It also spews out gay rainbow hearts¹.

You are probably wondering about this unicorn.  Here are the answers to my assumed FAQ's:

Q:  Isn't it cruel to keep such a beautiful creature under your desk?

A:  It stays because of its own free will².

Q:  Why are its proportions so weird?
A:  First of all, that's rude.  Secondly, the well-proportioned unicorns don't get stuck with the crap powers like Venn Diagramming.

Q:  Aren't you afraid Voldemort is going to come drink its blood?
A:  No.  Voldemort is a fictional character.

Q:  Have you considered using its power for evil?
A:  Yesterday I had a Venn Diagram teaching you how to swear.  So, obviously yes.

Q:  Can I give one to my favorite child/niece/nephew/grandchild/whatevs?
A:  Yes you can!  Just hit print, then BAM you have a great paper toy!  I will not be held responsible for the gayifying effect it might have or for any paper cuts.

Q:  Where can I find more super awesome unicorns?
A:  Right here: http://buttersafe.com/2011/12/06/unicorns/

¹Because it's a unicorn.
²And because of the fence I've put up.