9:00 am I just found out that my girlfriend drinks a lot of water. I bet I could drink more.
9:02 am The internet just told me that the most water I can absorb is about 8 oz every fifteen minutes. That's the amount of water I will drink.
10:03 am Staff meeting! I hope it's short, I'm only bringing one pint of water with me.
10:45 am Oh god, it ran late, I'll chug 16 oz of water to make up for it!
11:30 am I feel weird. It couldn't be the 75 ounces of water I've had to drink.
12:15 pm My girlfriend points out that maybe I'm messing with my salt. I think she's probably trying to win the water drinking competition she didn't know we are having.
12:16 pm I pick up a vitamin water, just in case she has a point. Maybe it will help with the (totally unrelated) dizziness.
12:50 pm I realize my vitamin water has no salt in it.
12:51 pm I'm pretty sure I'm dying.
1:00 pm [Illegible] fries [illegible]
6:34 pm I don't remember the last five hours, but it appears that I have installed a salt-lick in my back yard. I'm going to go to sleep.
8:50 am Oh crap! I forgot about the water competition!
9:15 am Wait, didn't I figure out that chugging 32 oz of water in under a half hour is bad? Eh, I'm sure it will be fine.
10:07 am ALL I EVER DO IS PEE.
11:10 am Is it possible to drown inside your own body?
1:15 pm It feels like there's a tempest inside my belly. I like to sway back and forth and feel the water slosh and hear all the enzymes scream "TSUNAMI" as they try to digest my lunch.
1:23 pm I have developed an UNNATURAL FONDNESS for caps. I am unsure if THIS IS AT ALL RELATED.
1:37 pm I wikipedia "hydration." It has many words that I don't understand, which frightens and confuses me.
1:58 pm Blogging about hydration has made me dangerously close to what I have come to know as dehydration2.
Ok, I've only been drinking water for two days. So that's all I have. I expect by tomorrow afternoon, I will have been distracted by something new. If you'd like to keep your own hydration journal, I suggest you get off the internet and go make some friends. Because, seriously, is drinking water the most exciting thing you have going on?3
1I don't keep a hydration journal. That would be lame. I just made up these excerpts for the sake of humor.
2I assume that not peeing for close to ten minutes is a sign of dehydration.
3Did I just insult my own blog entry?