With that in mind, here are some things that have only one thing in common:
Obviously they're going to make a movie about my life. I think that's just something we all should accept. It will probably be some kind of indie super hero movie, in which I'll be nerdy but hot (and buff), and I'll do things like hold up a falling bridge with my great strength and MATH and solve climate change. There will be nary a spreadsheet or overworked city planner in sight. But, somewhere in the MATH montage, there will be a brief moment of comic relief when I write "BOOBS" on my calculator.1
There's nothing worse than accidentally making eye contact with the Drunk Guy at a bar in the middle of the afternoon, and then being forced to have a conversation with him. I can't find it in myself to say "I'm just here for a sandwich, bro, please leave me alone." Instead, I get to hear about all the things he likes: bus passes, finally passing a class he failed thirty years ago, his salad, no seriously he salad is amazing would I like to try it, and Asian girls because they're good at math. Oh, Drunk Guy, racist comments are a terrible way to make friends. We could have just talked about beer!
Oh, wait, he floated that as a serious campaign promise? Uh, never mind.
1Instead of saying "turn that frown upside down," everyone should say "turn that 58008 upside down" because then you get boobs AND a smile.