Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Hydration or Goddamn, I love coffee

I occasionally embark on self-improvement projects.  There was the "I am going to bike to work every day" project, which was derailed by the "It rains 9 months out of the year, and there are no showers at my workplace" realization.  Then there was bootcamp, which was awesome until (three days in) I stretched a foot tendon and had to wear a walking sandal for a couple months.  Bootcamp + non-bending footgear = no.  Then there was "Yay triathlons!" followed by "Swimming is hard and so is running, how about instead I just bike!" ... and then we come back to the beginning of the cycle. (... or bi-cycle!  ha, a pun.)

Yeah, my track record isn't great.

Despite all that, I am signed up for 30 days of Bikram Yoga (thank you, awesome deal on living social!), and the website very sternly told me to drink at least twice as much water as is normally recommended, which is 8 glasses per day (obviously).

That sounds easy!  I will be well on my way to looking like this:

Is it just me or are her arms bending backwards a little?  That is... freaky.  Is that what yoga does?   Oh well, I'm still going to be awesome looking and covered with sweat!  Woo!

Day 1:  Drank 3 glasses of water, a large cup of coffee, and 2 glasses of wine.
Thoughts:  Maybe this isn't so easy.

Day 2:  Drank 8 glasses of water, 2 cups of coffee, and 2 beers.
Thoughts:  Hold on, I have to pee.

Day 3:  Two coffees and a water in, I decide to make a graph about Liquids Consumed vs. Level of Hydration.
Thoughts:  I like graphs.

Water Consumed vs. Hydration

It appears as though... I'm screwed.  I cannot drink that much water AND give up coffee AND beer.  I am going to be left as some kind of wrinkly and moisture free mess on the floor of the yoga studio.  I will be like the opposite of the wicked witch of the west.

Moral:  Self improvement is hard.  So is drinking water.  There's a hard water joke there somewhere, but all my energy went into graph making.

Moral 2:  Seriously, the universe doesn't want me to be hydrated (see ALL OTHER ENTRIES).  Yes, the universe, people; clearly, I have no control over this.

1Bonus points for making a gay joke in your head (or out loud to a friend)3.
2For those of you not from Michigan, Lake Superior is the largest body of fresh water... in the world.
3New activity: read my blog out loud to your friends!  Or make it a drinking game!


  1. so... is it creepy that i saw your link on fb and then went to your site and am now commenting here? just let me know and i'll go back to anonymous and silent stalking.

    anyway, all i wanted to say is: bikram yoga is awesome. you should do it. tina convinced me to do it. but i drink 4 liters of water / day i do yoga... i pee non. stop.

    -liz logan

  2. No, that's not creepy... that's just the internet. On the other hand, the internet is primarily anonymous and silent stalking, so maybe it could go either way.

    Wow, that's a lot of water. But I'm glad to hear it's awesome! I think I'll like it if I don't die on the first day.

  3. "On the other hand, the internet is primarily anonymous and silent stalking,"

    Silent stalkers everywhere nod knowingly.

    -nope, not telling you who i am. duh, i'm anonymously and less-than-silently stalking

  4. I feel... flattered. That is probably the wrong reaction to have to a non-silent stalker.

  5. i have to know... how is the bikram going for you? if the title of this post had had the word "bikram" or "yoga" or the combo "bikram yoga" in it anywhere i would have read it sooner. also, i think i've just spent 20 minutes silently stalking. congrats on beating "productive work" to win my attention.

    -tina, alias t-bone

  6. Haha, yessss, me: 1, productive work: 0.

    I haven't started bikram yet because I looked ahead at my next few weeks and realized I was going to be out of town or have visitors surprisingly frequently for the next few weeks. And it's supposed to be an every day thing, right? Not like a "whenever I feel like it" thing? Anyways, I'm going to start Sunday, because that's when I stop having plans all the time.