Wednesday, October 19, 2011

My Crappy Giraffe

Surfers of the Internet,

Today I give you a gift.  I am a kind and benevolent blogger, so I am giving of myself and my artistic genius.

This morning, I spent three-maybe even five-minutes learning how to draw a giraffe.  I looked at it, and it was good1.  Then I thought, "Know who likes giraffes?  Ladies2.  Even my very own lady friend."

I added some key text to the drawing, and voilà, a piece of dating genius:

Giraffe subtext: Hey, ladies!

Feel free to use this as your own.  It's poorly drawn enough that a lady will believe that it came from your equally untalented hand.

Have you ever wanted to express any of these feelings to a lady3 who maybe you would like to be your lady  friend, but have not been sure how?

  • I was bored at work, so I drew you something nice because you're always on my mind!
  • I identify as a giraffe who likes ladies!
  • Oh god, my leg is broken and atrophied, but I'm filled with so much love for you!
  • I'm six!
  • Weeee!  Irregular geometric shapes!
  • Help!  I'm stuck on graph paper and I miss the savanna!
  • I did something awful, and I thought a poorly drawn giraffe would distract you from that.
  • I love you!
Email her this giraffe!  There is literally almost no chance she's going to read this blog, so you can bask in the warm glow of her appreciation risk free!

Please note, these are inappropriate times to use the giraffe:

  • Picking up a lady in a bar.  Too fast, yo, too fast.
  • In the middle of a serious conversation.  Giraffes should only be used in times of happiness.
  • With someone who has had a close friend or family member mauled by a giraffe.
  • In an art museum.  It won't hold up well in comparison.

Use responsibly... and you're welcome.

1It was not at all good.
2This claim is not backed up by scientific research.
3Or a dude.  I just think maybe giraffes work better on the ladies.  Because I'm a sexist and also because I have seen way more ladies say "awwwwwww" at giraffes.


  1. "Too fast, yo, too fast."

    I'm gonna test the sexist theory and see how a dude responds to the Seduction by Giraffe.

  2. Oh, please do! Just the phrase "Seduction by Giraffe" sounds sexy. You know, if you're into that kind of thing.