Vennsday - Come Together

It's hard to see, sometimes, what liberals and conservatives have in common.  Obviously, we all like the Colbert Report¹ and tacos, but those things only get us so far².

Do we have any other things in common?  Let's examine some issues.

Nerds can be liberals or conservatives: nerdism doesn't discriminate.  They all agree that cotton is comfortable and that school is pretty awesome, but they don't agree on the best source of news.  Let's just stick to what we agree on: being stuffed in a locker gets to be uncomfortable after a while.

Everyone agrees that art goes on walls or sometimes in gardens, but not everyone agrees that Picasso is art (*I seriously had a guy in college art history class argue about whether or not Picasso was art because he didn't recognize the figure as a person).  Let's just all go look at a nice Monet, and make little paint-smushing noises as we think about his method³.

Teenage sex is there, in the middle of our country, just like this yellow Venn circle in the middle of the diagram, where no one likes to talk about it.  Conservatives get around this by basically ignoring it and handing out abstinence only textbooks that I can only assume have a cover, a back cover, and a single sheet that says "NO" in giant letters between the two covers.  Liberals overcompensate by talking about all the feelings involved and all the birth control options and encouraging their children to read some interesting books about teenage sex before they have "the talk" so that it can be an informed discussion and emailing Dan Savage when it turns their kid is gay so that they can start all over again but have the books about teenage gay sex.  Seriously, though, kids: use a condom.⁴

¹The great thing about the Report is that everyone thinks they're in on a big secret that the other side doesn't get.
²Mostly these two things get us to our couch for fourth meal.
³Is that just me?  I like to add sound effects to my art experiences....
⁴You should all know that while I was writing that paragraph, I was still making paint smushing sounds in my head and thinking about Monet.

Haiku Friday - My Childhood

Jesus on a dinosaur, I have been slacking on my blog.  No Vennsday, and here it is, after 5 on the east coast on a Friday, and I have not posted an haiku yet.  I haven't even had a footnote in weeks.  Life has been insanity since landing back here on the west coast... and by that, obviously, I mean that work has been insanity, and then I have fallen asleep by 8:00 every night.

But!  Right now!  I am turning my life around, starting with some calming and peaceful haiku about my childhood.


Really, Those Are The First Two Questions Almost Always
I went to prep school
No, it was not all women
Yes, it was Hogwarts

But Everyone Pretended I Didn't Know Until Last Year
Youngest child perils:
I knew Santa was a myth
Before I was five

My Sisters Still Think It's Unfair (But You Killed Santa!)
Youngest child awesomes:
Washing way fewer dishes
Watching more TV

The Syllabus Called It "Religion"
Catholic Schooling
Classes in math, reading, and
Homophobia

That First Line Should Probably Be Commemorated On A Sampler Or Something
Mom and Dad were right
I really wanted a dog
Just not to walk it

Haiku Friday - The Second

I Clean Once a Year
Parents are in town
So my house is clean and nice
But only briefly

This Explains All The Stalled Projects
My door is broken
It bothered me for a while
Now it's just background

Also, more underwear
I just did laundry
Not more than two weeks ago
I'll buy more t-shirts

I worry that if I can't see them, they will begin plotting a revolt
These rooms frighten me
With all their clean surfaces
Where did my things go?!?!

This Is Your Brain On Coffee
I'm caffeinated
It does not affect my at-
Ooo, something shiny!

Organization Schmorganization

As anyone who has lived with me can attest, I am not organized.  My argument would be that I do not appear to be organized.  No, my clothes don't live in drawers, and my books aren't all nicely alphabetized (by genre, then by author or subject, not that I've thought about it) and put in bookshelves.  They stay in piles.  I know what's in the piles, but to the untrained eye it probably looks like a mess.

This organization issue of mine is compounded when I move.  I do not pack things in any kind of organized fashion, and then I don't usually bother to organize them when I unpack again.  In my last house, this actually worked out because there were closets galore.  I actually had 4 or 5 boxes that I never even opened that contain god knows what.

In my new place, though, there are only two (doorless!) closets, so:

My closet drank too much absinthe and threw up all over the guest room.  It refuses to go to rehab - I fear it will end up like Amy Winehouse.