Haiku Friday - Engineers

Engineers Can Be Buzzkills At College Parties
The manual says
Those tables are not rated
For drunken dancing

...But They Don't Hug Either
Some of us chose math
Over proper social skills
Numbers never mock

Sure, It's Shiny And Silver Now, But It Doesn't Buzz Anymore, Does it?
Makers of duct tape
Love when engineers say this:
I could improve that

We May Be Bad At Fighting, But We Also Control Whether Or Not You Have Running Water
Don't come between nerds
And their calculators, 'cause
You'll risk weak punches

It's Why I Avoid Mirrors
Engineers are an
Easily startled people,
Confused by women

Haiku Friday - Community Returns

I Do A Really Good Impression Of A Lazy Person
I spent a weekend
In bed, watching two seasons
Of Community

Hacky-Sackin' Ruffian
It was a dark time
When Vaughn and his weird nipples
Came between the crew

Be The Chang You Want To See In The World¹
Here's my secret dream:
I'll live in the vents with Chang.
Don't tell the monkey

Go Banana Slugs!
The Human Being
Is not the worst school mascot
...just the creepiest

Ode To Abed
You're so coolcoolcool
I would create six timelines
Just to be your friend

¹I went through so many titles, and they were all creepily sexual: "A Chang Would Do Me Good" or "A Chang is Gonna Come" or "Chang Is Hard."  And now you all have to have that in your head, too.

Vennsday - HAPPY PI DAY, WORLD!

Vennsday is back!  And just in time for my favorite non-holiday.

Let's take a look at the relationship between pi and pie, and while we do that, let's all buy a pie and figure out its area, circumference, and volume while we eat it.¹

It is not every day that math and sweets are brought together.  I mean, I suppose you could make one, like "Every time I MATH, I get an m&m."  ...that's a great idea, actually.  Someone bring me some candy!

Guys, the hypothetical conversation that pi and pie have is actually really awkward because they don't have much in common.  Pie: "So, circles, right?"  Pi: "....yup."  And then pie goes back to being delicious and pi goes back to having its digits memorized by math geeks as some kind of useless badge of honor.  And the sexual tension between them goes un-addressed.

It's the irrationality that makes it delicious.

¹If you wait long enough, the answer to all three will be zero and also "uhhhhh my stomach"
²I learned how to do mouseover text on images.  Enjoy!

Haiku Friday - Sunshine in March

This Is Your Oregon Brain On Spring Sunshine
What is that bright thing?
Sun?  Sun??  Sun!  SunSunSunSun
Oh, now it's raining

All I Need Is 15 Minutes Of Hops And Vitamin D
I know that it's cold
But I'll take my beer outside
The cloud cover broke

It Helps If You Pretend All The Water On Your Skin Is Sweat
In the darkest days
I leave my jacket home, and
Count light rain as sun

HOW WILL PEOPLE KNOW I'M GAY?!?!??!?
I'm in a panic
What if it tops seventy?
My plaid shorts aren't clean!

When It Suns, It Pours
None of us trust it
Sure, it's pretty and warm, but
We've been drenched before

Haiku Friday - Michigan Primary

FWOOOOOP - That's The Sound Of The 900,000 UAW Votes You Just Lost
We Michiganders
Do not look kindly upon
Your union busting

A Native Wouldn't Start With The Height Of The Trees¹
I'll believe you're from
Michigan when I see your
Birth certificate

The Mitten Was Not Smitten
Campaigning trod on
Prospective voters lost hope
....Vote for Democrats!

So I Feel Really Connected To Mitt
I'm no ardent fan
But I have great friends who own
NASCAR Matchbox Sets

It's Actually Horribly Awkward
I almost threw up
When I read Kennedy's speech.
I puke when impressed.

¹"Go State!" would have worked way better.