This Is Your Oregon Brain On Spring Sunshine
What is that bright thing?
Sun? Sun?? Sun! SunSunSunSun
Oh, now it's raining
All I Need Is 15 Minutes Of Hops And Vitamin D
I know that it's cold
But I'll take my beer outside
The cloud cover broke
It Helps If You Pretend All The Water On Your Skin Is Sweat
In the darkest days
I leave my jacket home, and
Count light rain as sun
HOW WILL PEOPLE KNOW I'M GAY?!?!??!?
I'm in a panic
What if it tops seventy?
My plaid shorts aren't clean!
When It Suns, It Pours
None of us trust it
Sure, it's pretty and warm, but
We've been drenched before
Showing posts with label Rain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rain. Show all posts
Friday, March 9, 2012
Monday, January 23, 2012
I Live Here Monday - Matrix Rain Talking
Well, winter has arrived. Rain, rain, rain, flooding, muddy floors, etc. In everywhere except the Pacific Northwest, rain does not require an entirely different wardrobe. You can wear a nice warm jacket, and use an umbrella to stay dry. Here, though, rain doesn't fall-it hovers. You walk into it, so if you're not wearing something waterproof, you're going to end up soaked. Umbrellas are just a fun way of shouting "tourist!"
Good rain jackets have hoods. Hoods which do weird, weird things to us:
Summer! Two friends are walking and chatting, enjoying the day. They can observe each other's body language and reactions using their peripheral vision or, when necessary, a head turn. They understand each other perfectly, and they end the day happy.
But then... the rains come. Plants die, clouds flip you the bird, and they start living off just coffee and beer. Of course, they still go for walks with friends, because it's Eugene and outdoor activities are required. But! They keep getting into fights because they can't see each other. They are pretty much invisible to the other one. Maybe one of them even got hit by a bus ten minutes ago; the other one won't know because his hood is in the way. They can turn their heads as much as they want, but those hoods obey the jackets, so it will not turn with them.
After a couple days, they learn that they need to turn their whole shoulders in order to see each other. But a simple turn makes them FACE TO FACE, which is considered a confrontation. People here don't do well with direct confrontation. Feelings of fear and anger and sadness are aroused, leading to processing. Lots and lots of processing.
To avoid all this, they have to twist their bodies both to face the person they're walking with and away from that person, so as to avoid confrontation. This means that during conversation, their bodies are twisted like Neo's in the Matrix when he's dodging bullets. I don't even want to think about what it does to their backs, but it sure is a great core work-out.
Good rain jackets have hoods. Hoods which do weird, weird things to us:
Summer! Two friends are walking and chatting, enjoying the day. They can observe each other's body language and reactions using their peripheral vision or, when necessary, a head turn. They understand each other perfectly, and they end the day happy.
But then... the rains come. Plants die, clouds flip you the bird, and they start living off just coffee and beer. Of course, they still go for walks with friends, because it's Eugene and outdoor activities are required. But! They keep getting into fights because they can't see each other. They are pretty much invisible to the other one. Maybe one of them even got hit by a bus ten minutes ago; the other one won't know because his hood is in the way. They can turn their heads as much as they want, but those hoods obey the jackets, so it will not turn with them.
After a couple days, they learn that they need to turn their whole shoulders in order to see each other. But a simple turn makes them FACE TO FACE, which is considered a confrontation. People here don't do well with direct confrontation. Feelings of fear and anger and sadness are aroused, leading to processing. Lots and lots of processing.
To avoid all this, they have to twist their bodies both to face the person they're walking with and away from that person, so as to avoid confrontation. This means that during conversation, their bodies are twisted like Neo's in the Matrix when he's dodging bullets. I don't even want to think about what it does to their backs, but it sure is a great core work-out.
Friday, November 4, 2011
Haiku Friday - It's Winter
I Really Am This Cheap. It's 55 Degrees In My House.
How many blankets
Are needed to compensate
For not using heat
It Was Dry In September... So Only Another Seven Months Until I Can Again Leave My House Without A Raincoat1
Out-of-staters think
Nine months of rain is a joke
I assure you, no.
One Time I Was Stranded In Downtown Portland Because Of Three Inches Of Snow. I Was Not Laughing Then.
At one inch of snow
Oregonians freak out
And I laugh at them
Maybe White Sheets Were A Terrible Idea
I know it's winter
When my dog leaves muddy prints
All over my bed
The Pacific Northwest Version of This Song2 Really Is Less Satisfying
I'm dreaming of a
Wet Christmas, just like the ones...
Oh wait, no I'm not
1This title has more syllables than the poem. Is that a sign of success or failure? I vote success.
2I wrote it. Right now. There are bums and cheap booze involved. And rain, inches and inches of rain.
How many blankets
Are needed to compensate
For not using heat
It Was Dry In September... So Only Another Seven Months Until I Can Again Leave My House Without A Raincoat1
Out-of-staters think
Nine months of rain is a joke
I assure you, no.
One Time I Was Stranded In Downtown Portland Because Of Three Inches Of Snow. I Was Not Laughing Then.
At one inch of snow
Oregonians freak out
And I laugh at them
Maybe White Sheets Were A Terrible Idea
I know it's winter
When my dog leaves muddy prints
All over my bed
The Pacific Northwest Version of This Song2 Really Is Less Satisfying
I'm dreaming of a
Wet Christmas, just like the ones...
Oh wait, no I'm not
1This title has more syllables than the poem. Is that a sign of success or failure? I vote success.
2I wrote it. Right now. There are bums and cheap booze involved. And rain, inches and inches of rain.
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