Anyways, Lent is a time of restraint and penance and prayer. It is like a cleanse for your soul, in which you live on only lemon soul juice and cayenne soul pepper, and you feel terrible until the hallucinations come on, and then you feel great because you think you just defeated the devil.
It's like inside-out Christmas.
It is, in short, the antithesis of me.
Fun things about Lent: saying Maundy Thursday and being a kid and having sword fights with the cross-shaped palms on Palm Sunday.
Not-fun things about Lent: everything else.
Which is why Lent and I are as separate as the green circle in the Venn Diagram below1:
Know what I like? Things that I like. So I'm gonna keep doing 'em.
Maybe I've been a little too hard on the Church thus far. I mean, if it weren't for Lent, there would be no Mardi Gras2. And if there were no Mardi Gras, my only excuse for drinking on Tuesday would be "why not?"
I don't want fish on Fridays. I want a beer and a burger. Or maybe like a beer and a burger, but instead of buns, there will be two filets and some pork belly, and then that will be followed up by a bourbon. Fish is for Sunday brunch when I want something light. Or maybe for Saturday happy hour at the sushi restaurant.
1I think it's clear to everyone that today isn't my best day for similes.
2There would also be no excuse to say snarky things like "I would respond, but I gave up reading bad grammar for Lent" on youtube comments.3
3I have never actually commented on youtube anything in my life because that whole comment realm makes me believe that it's the end times.