I Really Am This Cheap. It's 55 Degrees In My House.
How many blankets
Are needed to compensate
For not using heat
It Was Dry In September... So Only Another Seven Months Until I Can Again Leave My House Without A Raincoat1
Nine months of rain is a joke
I assure you, no.
One Time I Was Stranded In Downtown Portland Because Of Three Inches Of Snow. I Was Not Laughing Then.
At one inch of snow
Oregonians freak out
And I laugh at them
Maybe White Sheets Were A Terrible Idea
I know it's winter
When my dog leaves muddy prints
All over my bed
The Pacific Northwest Version of This Song2 Really Is Less Satisfying
I'm dreaming of a
Wet Christmas, just like the ones...
Oh wait, no I'm not
1This title has more syllables than the poem. Is that a sign of success or failure? I vote success.
2I wrote it. Right now. There are bums and cheap booze involved. And rain, inches and inches of rain.