Turns out, all that doesn't matter. I fail at basic things. Like, today, I wanted some water, but when I arrived at the water cooler, it was empty! (Or appeared to be.)
Being a good coworker, I thought "I should replace this, so I can have my water, and later my peers can have some water, too."
Water came pouring out of the "empty" water jug, and filled the previously dry place where the new jug was supposed to go. I noticed this but thought, no, that water will be magically re-absorbed into the full water jug.
Water sprayed all over the window:
... and me:
Oh, and I just heard the coffee maker beeping sporadically, which it does when it shorts out from water getting on it. Great.
Moral of the story? The universe wants me to be lazy. And thirsty.